You Have to Feel It in Your Heart


April 27th, 2012

I have been putting off writing a new post.  I was waiting for some kind of inspiration to hit so I could tell a positive upbeat story.  I’m still waiting……

I realized over the last week that my life right now is divided in two.  The first half is the “before I got sick” and the second half is “after I got sick.”  The second half is consuming me.  It is so much more than gluten intolerance.  And what is so frustrating is that I don’t know what else is wrong with me.  I have been so focused on making myself well and studying health and well-being that I was ignoring symptoms that are growing worse.  My ego wouldn’t allow me to admit that eating unprocessed and whole foods was not making me well.  With my ego deflated I humbly tell you that I am not any better.

I have good days and I have bad days.  Lately, the bad days have been stacking up.  Don’t get me wrong some of my symptoms have improved.  Eating this way has absolutely improved my mental well-being, my skin-tone, my fingernails, and my acid reflux.  What I have not been telling you is that most days I wake up with stiff and aching wrist joints.  Some weeks I am in so much pain that it is hard to dress myself.  Thankfully those weeks are outnumbered by the good weeks.  When the pain is that bad I have stomach flu type symptoms and wonder what I will be able to eat without getting sick.  With my last flare-up I had to admit defeat and go to the doctor.  I have been tested twice for Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis and both times the tests were negative.  I will be going to a rheumatologist this month for a consultation.

And so I feel like a failure.  I wanted to believe that if I ate the right way and studied real nutrition and really believed in it then I would be cured.  What is hard for me to admit is that I can not fix myself.  What I don’t want to happen is for someone to read this and say, “ See, she eats right and is still sick so why should I change the way I eat?”   You have to want good health for yourself.  You have to believe in it and trust that it is the right thing to eat REAL food. What I have learned is that you can’t just do it until you feel good one day or quit when you have lost 10 lbs and can wear a new size in jeans.  You have to live it.  What would I feel like if I wasn’t eating this way?  Would I even be able to get out of bed in the morning?  I believe that eating real food and eliminating processed food is the right way to live.  I still feel it in my heart.

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My Inspirations

 

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2 thoughts on “You Have to Feel It in Your Heart

  1. Jackie, I’m so sorry you are still feeling sick. I know someone mentioned Lyme disease, although I’m fairly certainly that is uncommon here in the midwest. Have you been tested for adrenal fatigue, thyroid and other hormonal imbalances? I know so many people are suffering from these things and it makes them feel so awful and unfortunately takes a while to sort it out. Also, have you considered going on some kind of full force elimination diet where you start with just a few foods and slowly add things back in (not sure if you have already been tested for a bunch of food allergies).

  2. I haven’t been tested for any of those except thyroid and diabetes. Those results were normal also. I am going to see a rheumatologist and my gastro this month. I had problems with my gallbladder when I was pregnant with Lucy but never had it taken out. I have had several suggest to me that that could be the cause of some of my problems. I am just praying that these visits will bring answers. I am basically living on bone broths and fruit right now. I feel a little better but it’s not a diet I want to live on forever! Thanks for the suggestions I will be writing all of those down to take with me.

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