April 27th, 2012
I have been putting off writing a new post. I was waiting for some kind of inspiration to hit so I could tell a positive upbeat story. I’m still waiting……
I realized over the last week that my life right now is divided in two. The first half is the “before I got sick” and the second half is “after I got sick.” The second half is consuming me. It is so much more than gluten intolerance. And what is so frustrating is that I don’t know what else is wrong with me. I have been so focused on making myself well and studying health and well-being that I was ignoring symptoms that are growing worse. My ego wouldn’t allow me to admit that eating unprocessed and whole foods was not making me well. With my ego deflated I humbly tell you that I am not any better.
I have good days and I have bad days. Lately, the bad days have been stacking up. Don’t get me wrong some of my symptoms have improved. Eating this way has absolutely improved my mental well-being, my skin-tone, my fingernails, and my acid reflux. What I have not been telling you is that most days I wake up with stiff and aching wrist joints. Some weeks I am in so much pain that it is hard to dress myself. Thankfully those weeks are outnumbered by the good weeks. When the pain is that bad I have stomach flu type symptoms and wonder what I will be able to eat without getting sick. With my last flare-up I had to admit defeat and go to the doctor. I have been tested twice for Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis and both times the tests were negative. I will be going to a rheumatologist this month for a consultation.
And so I feel like a failure. I wanted to believe that if I ate the right way and studied real nutrition and really believed in it then I would be cured. What is hard for me to admit is that I can not fix myself. What I don’t want to happen is for someone to read this and say, “ See, she eats right and is still sick so why should I change the way I eat?” You have to want good health for yourself. You have to believe in it and trust that it is the right thing to eat REAL food. What I have learned is that you can’t just do it until you feel good one day or quit when you have lost 10 lbs and can wear a new size in jeans. You have to live it. What would I feel like if I wasn’t eating this way? Would I even be able to get out of bed in the morning? I believe that eating real food and eliminating processed food is the right way to live. I still feel it in my heart.