January 20, 2012
My undertaking is becoming easier as each day goes on. I am also realizing that what I used to think I could not live without doesn’t even taste as good as I once thought that it did. For example, the brownie recipe I had been experimenting with. I like them but Shannon ate more of them than I did. I might make them again for us but I know that an apple and some peanut butter would taste just as good to me. Sadly, it is not the kind of chocolate that comes in the form of baked goods that is troubling me during my experiment.
For many years now I have been in love with Hershey bars. I know some people just like chocolate. They eat anything wrapped in foil, encased in embroidered and brown ribboned boxes, and full of nuts, nougat, and krisps. But for me there is only one chocolate and Hershey be thy name. Don’t get me wrong there are a few other chocolates I like. It’s not Christmas if I don’t wrap up Lindor Truffles for someone and before my gluten free life every Easter had a Cadbury Egg (or eggs!). But there is just something about a solid Hershey bar that calms my brain and makes me feel like I just took some kind of muscle relaxer. (I miss the old anticipation of sliding down the outer paper wrapper and unfolding the foil of a Hershey Bar.) Of course that feeling only lasts through the first couple of bites. So I eat more hoping to continue the feeling. It is because of this addiction to the brown, smooth, perfect rectangle of milk chocolate that I struggle with my new life and why I think it is so important to quit them all together.
I know some of you may be asking, “why don’t you just keep that and get rid of everything else?” For the same reason any addict can’t have “just a little.” I have been completely honest with you from the start and so I will continue to do so. I have not thrown away all of my Hershey’s chocolate yet. I did not go cold turkey. I finished off the last two blocks of a bar last night and I still have a few Hershey Kisses in the freezer. But I didn’t eat any last week and I haven’t bought any new to replenish the supply that is usually constant. I have told myself that I could buy some nice dark chocolate and just have a little. I don’t think I would just have a little. I am afraid that for now chocolate must be something I give up all together.
Maybe one day months from now on a hot day in July I will be at a campout, or at the swimming pool with my girls, someone will have Hershey bars for s’mores or I’ll buy one at the snack shack. If all goes right I could take a bite and wonder why I ever loved them as much as I did.